


Remember to Floss

by youllneverwalkalone8



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: M/M, some mild language, the Middlesex lads are really invested in Eoin's relationships, this is completely ridiculous banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:52:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2158149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youllneverwalkalone8/pseuds/youllneverwalkalone8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eoin gets a lesson or two on metaphorical toothbrushes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember to Floss

**Author's Note:**

> This would have been impossible without Amy (omgbroady) staying up late (like 1am) to help me write this and to come up with some of the most ridiculous (yet amazing) banter I've ever seen.  
> Also I'm pretty sure metaphorical toothbrushes weren't a thing until I came up with them late at night a few days ago.

“Ten quid Eoin and Jos are dating.” Finny said, putting his money on the table.        

“Fifteen they’re not,” Harry Podmore countered, opening his wallet.

“Twenty pounds we respect their privacy,” Chris Rogers rolled his eyes.

“You lose right now,” Finny reached over to take Chris’ wallet.

“Fifty their sex tape is online by next Friday,” Tim Murtagh yelled, flinging his money across the room.

\---

Eoin and Jos had been seeing each other for a while when it happened. In fact, it happened a few weeks before Eoin actually noticed. It must’ve happened in early August, when Jos had come over right after a game, but neither of them could be certain.

            Eoin noticed it when he arrived at Lord’s and pulled his bat out of his bag, only to discover that it _wasn’t_ his bat. He knew it wasn’t his as soon as he noticed the height of it. A few of the Middlesex boys were giving him weird looks, obviously aware that Eoin had either brought the wrong bat or developed a Napoleon complex overnight. Eoin sat down with the bat in his hand and looked it over. He quickly realised _who_ the bat belonged to and turned a shade of red that almost matched his hair.

            Unfortunately Eoin wasn’t the only one who recognised the bat. Finny shuffled over on the bench until he was next to Eoin.

            “Is that Battler’s butt… I mean Buttler’s bat,” He sniggered, trying to stop himself from laughing outright.

            Eoin glared at him, too flustered to even notice Finny’s mistake. “Of course not!” He replied sharply.

            “Stop being rude or I’m telling Murts.”

            “If you tell Murts I’m never letting you play again.”

            “Fucking hell Eoin…” Finny muttered. “Surely you’ve got an extra bat here.”

            “Of course I do! But why the hell do I have Jos’ bat?”

            “Because you’re shagging him after games?” Finny shrugged before noticing Eoin’s glare. “Hey, it’s the logical explanation.”

            “I am _not_ shagging Jos Buttler after games,” Eoin shot back defensively.

            “Well why did he leave his metaphorical toothbrush at your house?” Finny demanded with a smirk.

            “We were…um…practicing our batting?” Eoin mumbled.

            “Oh pull the other one, you Irish cougar,” Finny laughed, giving him a playful push in the stomach.

            “What do you even mean by metaphorical toothbrush?”

            “So you’re not trying to tell me you’re not shagging him anymore?” Finny grinned teasingly.

            “Shut up and answer my question.”

            “Most people leave their toothbrush at someone’s house when they start getting serious, Jos left his cricket bat. Leaving a cricket bat with someone is a pretty serious commitment.”  

            “Who the fuck told you that?”

            “Stu,” Finny paused for a moment, thinking, “and Cooky.”

            “Oh yes, Alastair Cook the expert on commitment,” Eoin replied dryly.

            “I don’t see you denying that you and Jos are serious.”

            “I don’t see you denying that you’re a pain in the arse.”

            “Why are we getting personal?”

            “ _Because Jos Buttler did_ not _leave his metaphorical toothbrush at my house!”_ Eoin practically shouted.

            “Seems like he also left a bad attitude there,” Finny muttered cheekily.

            The rest of the Middlesex boys looked up at Eoin and Finny after hearing the Irishman’s outburst. Some of them had grins on their faces, Harry glowered as he pulled his wallet out and huffily put some money on the table.

            “Eoin, maybe you should go outside and calm down,” Murts suggested quietly.

            “And phone your lover boy,” Finny added.

            Eoin got up, grabbed his phone, flipped off Finny and walked out of the changing room, grateful for the peace and quiet. He waited anxiously, pacing around at the top of the staircase as he waited for Jos to answer the phone.

            “Hey you,” Jos greeted affectionately.

            “What do you know about toothbrushes?” Eoin demanded, not bothering to say hello.

            “Erm…dentists like them? You need a new one? I used one this morning?”

            “I replaced mine yesterday! How do you even know that?” Eoin exclaimed, “and anyway, I mean _metaphorical_ ones.”

            “Oh! It’s when you leave something essential at someone’s house deliberately. Like, some people leave toothbrushes but other people leave different things, why?”

            “Am I _seriously_ the only person who didn’t know about this?”

            “I think you were asleep when Broady was telling us about them.”

            “And everyone swears by the _Stuart Broad_ bible now!?”

            “He’s had experience,” Jos shrugged on the other end of the line.

            “With _toothbrushes?_ He’s a cricketer, not a fucking dentist!”

            “But seriously, you’ve never heard of metaphorical toothbrushes?”

            “Not until Finny introduced me to them this morning.”

            “How the fuck did that happen?”

            “Well erm…” Eoin ran his hand through his hair nervously, “You know how you use a cricket bat to play cricket?”

            “Yes, I’m actually quite familiar with that technique.”

            “Good,” Eoin said, “Never know with you.”

            “Get to your point.”

            “You left your um bat at mine…and I brought it to practice accidentally…and I’m pretty sure the guys all had bets on us…and yeah.” Eoin explained quickly, not stopping for a breath.

            “Imagine you with my bat, you’d be swamped,” Jos laughed heartily.

            “ _That’s not the point!”_

            “Jos…” Eoin started quietly with a frown on his face.

            “Yeah babe?”

            “I erm… I haven’t left anything at yours… is that bad?” He asked quietly, suddenly very conscious of the fact that Jos had made a move he hadn’t.

            “Babe you’ve left stuff at my house,” Jos reassured him.

            “Have I?”

            “Of course! There’s your phone charger, your favourite pair of underwear, and… oh! Your _toothbrush._ That’s how I knew you needed a new one.”

            “I left my underwear there? I thought Finny stole them!”

            “Why the fuck would Finny steal y-”

            “Trust me you don’t _want_ to know.”

            Jos laughed, and even though Eoin was still thoroughly confused he couldn’t help but join in. There was a moment of comfortable silence before Eoin spoke again. “So I guess if we’ve both left metaphorical toothbrushes we’re pretty serious.”

            “We didn’t need cricket bats and underwear to tell us that.”

            Eoin smiled and glanced at his watch, “I need to get going, practice starts soon.”

            “I’ll see you this weekend,” Jos smiled, “Oh, and Eoin?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I want my fucking bat back.”

\---

            “So are you and Jos a thing then?” Tim asked.

            “Maybe,” Eoin blushed, still smiling from his conversation with Jos.

            “Cool,” Tim said, turning back to his phone. He waited until Eoin was leaving again to yell, “Is there a sex tape?”


End file.
